hm okay?
by volttackle777
Summary: short funny naruto stories.
1. Chapter 1

Please read and review thanks.

Don't own naruto.

Itachi was always considered a prodigy. Itachi excelled at everything. Well almost everything.

"Goodness that Walter white is such a badass." Itachi muttered as he watched an episode of breaking bad on Amc.

Kisame nodded while playing tetris on his cell phone.

"Kisame. I have decided I wish to also become a master chef. I shall cook the Best meth in the land."

"But Itachi won't Pain be mad?"

"Details, details Kisame. Come, let us enter the dark underworld of Brooklyn and learn the ways of meth!"

So off Kisame and Itachi went to Brooklyn to pursue their dreams of becoming master meth cooks.

"Ah, look there Kisame a common thug. We should ask him if he has any meth."

"Good idea Itachi."

"Thank you Kisame."

So they approached a common thug.

"Excuse me homeless gentleman but I was wondering if you have any meth. Blue sky is what I prefer."

The homeless man looked at Itachi carefully.

"I shall not sell you meth. However, I shall teach you how to cook. Follow me."

So Itachi and Kisame followed this hobo into his home. For months he trained them in the art of meth. He taught them exact measurements, exact timing and the best recipes. However, he always kept his face hidden.

"The time has come. I have taught you two all I know about meth. Go out and conquer the world."

"Yes sensei."

Itachi and Kisame bowed.

"So what now Itachi?"

Just than a man approached the duo.

"Hey you guys got any meth? I'm buying."

"Ah yes good sir. My shark friend and I are indeed selling meth."

Suddenly the man took out a police badge.

"Police! You're under arrest for drug trafficing!"

"Dammit Kisame It's the Popo!"

"Shit it's the fuzz" yelled Kisame.

Itachi and Kisame tried to run however they were soon surrounded.

So ends the legend of Itachi and Kisame trying to become drug kingpins.

Many miles away the cellphone of the meth master hobo rang.

"Yes, this is Neji speaking."


	2. Chapter 2

One day Deidara was depressed.

"What's wrong Deidara sempai?"

"Ah Tobi I haven't blow shit up in a long time and I don't have a girlfriend. I am feeling sad today. Mmmmm."

"I see sensei. Shall we see what the others are doing?"

"I guess."

So deidara and tobi went to see what everyone else was doing.

Kakuzu was busing paying the bills.

"Deidara perhaps you should see a counselor. Than again that would cost Akatsuki money. We can't have that…" Kakuzu mumbled.

Deidara sighed.

"Well honestly life is tough Deidara. I personally have multiple personality disorder" Zetsu said.

"Tobi where are Itachi and Kisame."

"They're currently being sentenced to prison sempai! I think it's on channel four news."

So they turned on the Tv and sure enough Itachi and Kisame were in the news. Itachi had shaved himself bald to emulate Walter White and Kisame was wearing a shit that said "Thug life."

Deidara sighed.

"FUCKING DIG ME OUT OF THIS DITCH YOU CUNTS." Screamed Hidan from his hole.

"Phoenix down me boyyyyyy." Said dead Sasori.

"Deidara stop being a emo fag. We must concentrate on capturing the tailed beasts. By the way where the hell is Itachi?" said Pain.

Again Deidara sighed.

"Tobi I feel like being alone."

So Deidara wandered the ninja land feeling emo until he stumbled upon Shikamaru. He was starring at the clouds.

" Oh hey you're that akatsuki guy."

"I am feeling sad konoha brat."

"When I'm feeling sad I just say fml and stare at the clouds."

"..."

"…"

Deidara decided he liked the sound of that. So he lay down and watched the clouds with Shikamaru.


	3. Chapter 3

Sasuke one day decided to walk into a church. He had a lot on his mind and decided he wanted to talk to someone. So he walked into that little booth thing. A curtain separated himself from the pastor.

"Father I have sinned."

"All humans sin child. Tell me your sins."

"I deserted my friends to obtain power from a pedophile. I wanted to kill my genius brother so I recruited a bunch of weirdo's after killing my molester sensei. After finally killing my brother I learned he was a good guy. Now I am filled with guilt, remorse, anger and orochimaru has exposed me to way too many wang videos.

"Shit man that blows."

"Pastor?"

"Uh, sorry. Well child you have indeed committed much atrocities. However, feeling depressed shall not help you. You should use your powers to help people and create a better world.

"Thank you pastor."

After Sasuke left the pastor's cell phone rung.

"Hello? Yea this is Shino speaking."


	4. Chapter 4

Naruto was always considered somewhat stupid however he had recently been sent on a mission to a certain village called MIT village. Apparently, they were extremely smart and geeky. Today he would return to Konoha. Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi awaited his return.

"Hey guys I see him." Sakura said.

Oh great he's gonna come running to Sakura thought Kakashi and Sasuke.

However he did not come running to Sakura. Instead he calmly walked up to them.

"Hello guys."

"Are you feeling okay dope? How come you're not spazzing out in joy after finally seeing Sakura again after not seeing her for a month."

Naruto looked at Sasuke quizzically.

"Oh I know the probability of hooking up with Sakura is quite low. She clearly has feelings for you. In fact I been thinking about dating Hinata since she clearly has feelings for me. Anyway I need to go grocery shopping. I realize now Ramen is extremely unhealthy for you because of all the sodium. I should eat healthier foods. I shall also change my clothes. I am ninja and wearing orange is a horrible choice. Than I'll go home and reprogram my computer. Later guys.

"…." Said Sakura

"…" said Sasuke

"…." Said Kakashi.

" Da fuck?" said Neji who was standing there the whole time for some reason even though nobody noticed.

So they all called an emergency meeting. Neji offered everyone some blue sky meth but they turned it down. Shino also handed out bibles to everyone.

"Alright guys after coming back from that nerdy village Naruto is completely different. He's now all smart and logical! I miss the old naruto!" Said Sakura.

"I agree." Said everyone.

"Porn." Said Kakashi.

"So what do we do?"

"Leave it to me." Said Sasuke.

So Sasuke visited Naruto's house.

"Oh, good evening Sasuke. Would you like something to drink? You know warm milk at night helps you sleep better."

"….No thanks."

"So what do you want to talk about?"

"Naruto…I'm actually a really happy guy. I just use the tsundere façade to look badass. I like playing pokemon and I enjoy some rap music. I feel bad about my family being killed but I realize Itachi had no choice but to kill them to stop a Uchiha rebellion. I Should stop being such a rebel and let other people into my life! I don't care about power and I just want to be friends with everyone! "

"AGGGGHHH! STOP! YOU'RE HURTING MY HEAD! WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!" Naruto yelled as he fell on the floor clutching his head in confusion.

The next day everything returned to normal.

"Hot damn." Said Kabuto for no reason.


End file.
